Conan the Destroyer [HD]

Hail Conan, the Destroyer!
The Hyborian Age, when shinning kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars and powerful sorcerors cast mighty spells, and a man lived by his sword. And on to this, Conan, destined to bare the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow, and who had recently made motion picture history with his previous success "Conan the Destroyer", was hired by director Richard Fleischer, and cast along with Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain, and Mako. Hence this rousing fantasy-adventure, with wizards, princesses, and warriors a plenty! Yes, that's right, folks, that sword-wielding, Crom-worshipping Cimmerian is back, and this time, he's on a quest to help a princess retrieve a magical horn (don't worry, it's better than it sounds). Although this is definitely not as good as it's successer, this is still one good movie that will keep you entertained. It does get corny at times, and the acting does get a bit sloppy. But I still stick to my review. Basil...

Conan Deserves Better
And on to this Conan, sword in hand, came back for a lackluster sequal. Arnold Schwarzenegger reprises his classic role in a hardly classic film. Richard Fleischer takes over from previous director John Milius and basically fails to live up to expectations. Conan is now a notorious thief and a queen(Sarah Douglas) hires him to guide her niece(Olivia d'Abo) to find a sacred horn that will reincarnate a god. If Conan is successful the queen will bring back Conan's lost love from the dead. And that is basically it. Throw in a bunch of odd characters and some obstacles to overcome along the way and that is Conan the Destroyer.

Conan the Barbarian is a masterpiece. Conan the Destroyer is not. In fact it doesn't even hold a candle to the first film. It is hard to believe this is the best script Universal could come up with. It just isn't that good. Director Richard Fleischer basically had to cover for the script by using specticle such as casting Grace Jones and Wilt...

Sword and the Toad
This is an absurd and hastily made sequel to the far superior Conan the Barbarian. Swartz is back as the big hulking paleoanthropic warrior who has more muscle than brains. This time around the landscape looks like something out of a cheap fantasy movie and nothing ever clicks or feels like the original. The difference with this is that the first film had a believability to it and this one just oozes out vacuous emptiness. The plot concerns a princess who must fight an evil sorceress. . . not much there to begin with. Along the line there are more absurd characters including Grace Jones who resembles a twig and beats men 8 times her size with a stick. Chamberlain is even more lackluster as a personal guard to the spoiled princess who has special powers to defeat darkness. Look for the awful 'non-moving face' monster in the hall of mirrors that is about as scary as a dead fish. Even as a kid I hated this movie.

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